


I Read More Maps Than Books

by IzzieTheEnamored



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fluff, Harry is in love, Hawaii is for lovers, Louis is afraid of his feels, M/M, Suburbs are scary places, who even knows anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-05
Packaged: 2017-11-28 01:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/668540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IzzieTheEnamored/pseuds/IzzieTheEnamored
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis started running as a teenager and he never stopped. Harry is unique in a brilliantly normal way.</p><p>Basically, Louis is a nomad and Harry is in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Another Chance I Should've Took

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I don't even know. Give it a chance?
> 
> NOTE: there is going to be a second chapter (the end is near). For some reason it wont show that though. So yeah. I'll post chapter 2 tomorrow

Louis isn't quite sure what it is that makes him this way. It's just something that he's dealt with for as long as he can remember, something he's accepted. 

It's like this: Louis knows the way he's supposed to turn out. The parameters of the first world lifestyle have been drilled into his brain by society from the moment he left his mothers womb. He knows the way his life is supposed to go; a wife, some kids, a nice house, a semi-successful career, and maybe a golden retriever or two. But that's not not what Louis wants, it's not what Louis has ever wanted. Because that has always sounded so achingly dull to Louis. He has promise and a shit ton of motivation and he's not going to waste it all in suburbia. He wants to make music and dance with beautiful people and never stop moving. He has too much life in his gut to become dull. 

When he is fifteen he grows tired of life. He's sick of counting the days to his eighteenth birthday so he can get the hell out of the suburbs. Everywhere he goes he sees plastic people with fake lives and even faker smiles. There's no way anyone could be happy trying to fit themselves in such a tiny glass box. He knows this and he's the only one willing to admit it. He lives a life surrounded by everything he hates and he can't get out. So he runs. He loves his sisters and his mom, but he can't live that way anymore. So he just starts running, and he never stops.

(“I’m restless. Things are calling me away. My hair is being pulled by the stars again.”)

*~*~*~*

He's twenty when he meets Harry.  

It happens like this: he joins a commune in Hawaii because he's starving and they're nice people. He knows he won't stay long, maybe a couple weeks, even though he really enjoys the way they live. It's always nice to just hang out and make music and have sex with laid back people. 

He's walking through the streets of Hilo with a couple of hippies from said commune when he literally runs into Harry and knocks him flat on his ass. 

"Oops, sorry man." Louis giggles (and ok, maybe he's high as a kit; it's not his fault the hippies only mess around with super strong bud). He offers Harry a hand to help him up.

"Oh, no it's okay. Don't worry about it." Harry says in a honey sweet accent that Louis recognizes. Ironically enough, in the middle of Hippy Land America, Louis runs into someone who grew up an hour away from his home town.

"Cheshire, right?" Louis asks. 

"Aww, man, do you guys know each other? Oh thats awesome. Isn't it sweet how life works out?" one of the hippies cuts in. Harry and Louis ignore him. If Louis is being honest (which he strives to always be) Harry is the most beautiful person he has ever had the pleasure of meeting. He's composed entirely of innocently perfect physical features (pink lips, wide green eyes, chestnut curls) with a side of gracefully long limbs. 

"Yeah, um, Doncaster? My family gas a vacation house near there." Harry says with a smile. A lovely, butterfly inducing, stars aligning smile. 

"Louis." Louis announces, offering Harry his hand in a ridiculously formal attempt to induce skin to skin contact. 

"Harry." Harry replies as he accepts Louis' handshake. 

Louis wants to say, 'fuck me' but what comes out is: "Have coffee with me?"

("Apparently, there is nothing that cannot happen today.")

*~*~*~*

They have coffee and it's brilliant. Harry is brilliant. They talk about everything: books, music, politics (which is something Louis hasn't had a discussion about in a long time, simply because it frustrates him to no end).

Every word that comes out of Harry's mouth captures the essence of Louis' soul. Louis allows himself to feel passionate about Harry--a feeling that he has yet to give to anybody.

He falls in love with everybody (that's just who he has) but he has never fell in passion with somebody. That is, until he met Harry. 

Harry works at some news station an owns a flat in Hilo. Louis is supposed to be returning to the mainland tomorrow. He postpones it to stay with Harry for a week. He just can't allow himself to lose the feeling that Harry has finally managed to capture. 

"It was really nice to meet you Louis." Harry says at the end of their two hour coffee date.

"Likewise." Louis replies earnestly. Harry gives Louis the directions to his flat and makes him promise to stop by sometime.

("So we'll just let things take their course, and never be sorry.")

*~*~*~*

Louis stops by Harry's apartment the next day. He just can't stay away. He's never been a fan of playing it cool or denying himself what he truly wants. And what he wants now is Harry. Badly. He's pretty sure he's never wanted anything as much as he wants Harry. 

"Louis! Good to see ya mate." Harry says when he opens the door. 

"Have sex with me." Louis suggests as soon as he is inside Harry's flat.  He watches as Harry's eyes darken and he locks his lips.

"I thought you'd never ask." Harry jokes in a roughened voice. Louis shudders in anticipation. 

("The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. I can resist everything but temptation.")

*~*~*~*

"So, Harry Styles from Cheshire, who are you?" Louis asks as the sweat cools on their bodies. 

"I'm pretty sure I've already told you everything their is to know." Harry says amusedly. Louis props himself up on an elbow so he can look at Harry's debauched face.

"No, I mean who are you for real. I want some post-orgasm existentialism." Louis insists. Harry smiles but it's not his dimpley smile. It's a sad smile, the smile of those who have been defeated. Louis wants to do everything in his power to make sure that smile never overtakes Harry's milky complexion again. 

"Honestly, I don't know who I am. There was a time when I was sure of everything. I knew what I wanted and who I was. Now, now I'm just a mimicry of every middle class first world citizen I know. Now I'm just a walking cliche with no sense of purpose." Harry says honestly. Louis allows himself a moment of silent contemplation; allowing himself inside Harry's head in an attempt to fully understand the information. 

"I don't think that's true. I think you're way more unique than you give yourself credit for. You were unique enough to get my attention. I also think that the only people who truly understand themselves are carbon copy people. There's something to be said for being unsure of yourself. It just means that you have depth, too much depth to comprehend." Louis says and Harry smiles a thoughtful smile. It's not as good as the dimple smile but it's still much better than the sad smile. 

"Yeah, that makes sense. So I guess that asking you to explain who you are would be pointless?" 

"Yeah, it would. Guess you'll just have to figure it out for yourself." It's a promise to some extent. The type of promise that Louis has never made  before. The promise of some sort of future; a reassurance that he wont disappear in the morning like he usually does. 

"Yeah. Guess I will." Harry understands and takes it for what it is. Louis is not promising a relationship or a lifetime or anything, but he is giving Harry a week. And maybe that will be enough, for both of them. 

("Once people are broken in certain ways, they cannot be fixed.")

*~*~*~*

The next week is the best of Louis' life. He has never felt as alive as he does when he is with Harry. And he wants. He wants and he want and he wants. He has never wanted as much as does with Harry. And he is not even going to pretend like it doesn't scare him shitless.

He's okay with loving people. He loves most people.

And he's okay with wanting people. He has wanted people before and he will want people again.

And he is not afraid of taking. He has taken people a multitude of times in a multitude of places and positions. He has even taken some people more than once simply because they were that beautiful.

But he has never loved or wanted or taken on the level he does with Harry. Harry gives him everything he could ever have dreamed of obtaining, and still it is never enough. He feels like he is burning up and the only thing that can save him is Harry. And it's terrifying because he has never depended on someone before. 

He wants it to stop. Some nights he'll lay in bed and watch Harry sleep and wish that he had never met him. Wish that he had never heard the curly haired beauty speak a word. Their souls have fused and Louis does not know how to separate them. And as time passes, he finds himself less likely to even try. 

The one thing Louis has prides himself on is being his own person. He doesn't need anyone. He travels from place to place alone. He breaks laws and defies gravity alone. He falls in love and wants and takes on his own. But now--now, he wants to do everything with Harry. He wants to set the world on fire so that they can sit side by side and watch it burn.

(“I wish I could do everything on Earth with you.”)

*~*~*~*

The week comes to an end far too quickly and he has to go. He promised himself he would be in California by now. He doesn't want to leave--god, how he wishes he could stay with Harry--but he needs to know. He needs to go and reacquaint himself with solitude. In theory, it's a brilliant idea. In practice, it hurts like hell.

"I have to go." Louis tells Harry on a Tuesday. 

"Okay. Will you come see me tomorrow. I was thinking we could go surfing." Harry says and Louis' heart breaks. He doesn't have to do this. He can laugh and act like that was what he meant and make promises to go surfing tomorrow. He doesn't have to remind Harry that he is leaving for good today. 

"No, I mean for good. I'm leaving the island this afternoon." Louis heart is breaking, but it doesn't hurt as bad as watching Harry's heart break in front of him. His green eyes are heavy in a way that they have never been before; laid bare with sorrow and dashed hope. 

"Can't you just give us more time? I know I can't be the only one who feels this." Harry pleads. It's fucked up how beautiful he looks: desperate and begging. Louis knows what Harry wants; he knows exactly what Harry is asking. It is the one thing that Louis cannot provide, stability. Harry is asking him to stay and that is something he just cant do. It's not him, it goes against every aspect of the lifestyle he seeks. He loves Harry, he is so in love with Harry, but he just doesn't love him enough to give up on himself. 

"I can't. You know that Haz. I told you from the beginning, you said you understood." Louis watches as Harry's angelic features morph from sorrow to anger. He's pissed and Louis understands. He knows how selfish his actions are. It is taking everything he has to refrain himself from caring and adjusting his attitude. 

"No, I don't. Quite frankly, I don't fucking understand and I don't care to. I don't understand why you run away from everything good you find like a weak coward. I know you're not a coward, Louis. So stop fucking acting like one." 

Louis leaves because that is all he knows to do. Maybe he is a coward, but he's a happy coward (or at lest that's what he tells himself to get by).

("Is it in you now, to watch the things you gave your life to broken?")

*~*~*~*

He thinks that's it. Thats the end if this story; the last time he'll see Harry Styles. And it hurts worse than anything Louis has experienced. It feels as if a fundamental part of his being has been ripped from him. He wonders how one week had such an impact on him. He has relied on the excitement of impermanence his whole life. And all it took was seven days for that to change. Suddenly, the unknown doesn't seem as romantic as it did a week ago. In fact, it just seems tedious.

He wants to go back to Harry. To curl up in his lengthy arms and watch stupid romcoms. But he's at the airport and he's come too far to turn back now.

Besides it's better this way, for everyone. Harry will find someone else, someone that will love him better than Louis ever could. And Louis will go back to being Louis. The Louis that relies on nobody and is happy with being so intrinsically nomadic.

But, as things go in life, there is a plot twist of the negative variety. Because Harry shows up at the airport. He's there and he's smiling and Louis gets angry to keep himself from running back into Harry's arms. That's not who he is; that's pathetic; he won't allow himself to behave that way.

"What are you doing here?" Louis asks furiously. Harry's gorgeous smile falters. Louis is fairly certain that he is being torn apart by the darker side of gravity. 

"Look, Louis, we can--"

"No, Haz, we can't. I have a plane to board and you have an empty house to return to." Louis is being a dick in an attempt to retain some sense of humility. Maybe if he can stay angry for a few seconds longer he can escape the Venus fly trap of Harry's familiar aura. 

Anger has always been his strong suit, so he manages to leave successfully. It's almost comical how bitter his solitude now tastes.

("Angry, and half in love with you, and tremendously sorry, I turned away.”)

*~*~*~*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feels like I overuse the term 'first world'. And I'm sorry if that offends or rubs anyone the wrong way. I needed a term that wouldn't be specific to a certain country but would show my readers what brand of middle class I was talking about. Basically, with Louis I was trying to parallel his life with my experiences trapped in the web of the "American Dream". Its an outdated way of life that won't work for most and yet it is still encouraged and practically forced down the throats of middle class suburban citizens (high schoolers especially) in America. That is the essence I was trying to capture and I apologize if in doing so I offended anybody.


	2. Beauty in the Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis falls apart. Chapter 2/3.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. I'm still not sure whether this story is going to get a happy ending or not.

Louis ends up staying with a friend of his in California. He met Zayn a couple years ago, he's a pretty cool dude. He's the type of friend that Louis needs more of; the kind that always has an empty couch and something to say. 

He ends up telling Zayn about Harry because he feels like his heart is bursting and he may just spontaneously combust if he doesn't talk about the way Harry made him feel. He needs reassurance; he needs someone to tell him that these feelings are normal, that everyone experiences this at some point and it's okay and he'll get over it.

"It was like I was burning up whenever I was with him but I didn't care because it felt so fucking good." Louis finishes. Zayn appears pensive. He has the look of someone who wants to say something but isn't sure its a good idea.

"That's the type of feeling that people waste their whole lives trying to find." Zayn says finally. Louis feels like he's been broken into a million pieces that will never fit together the right way again. He knows what he had and he knows exactly what he gave up, but hearing someone else say it makes it a thousand times worse. He misses Harry; worse than he's ever missed anything. He's never experienced the type of pain he is currently feeling.

"Yeah, yeah I guess." Louis is almost ashamed, he feels like he has let down a generation of romantics and hopefuls. 

"And you just gave it up." Zayn doesn't seem disappointed, just thoughtful. Louis is thankful for that, he can't really take criticism right now; it may just be the last string that needs to be pulled for him to unravel completely.

(“You can love someone so much, but you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”)

*~*~*~*

Louis tries his best to move on. He really does. He's the one that left, he doesn't get to wallow in his self pity. 

But it's like everywhere he goes he sees Harry. A cashier at the market has his eyes, a girl in park has his hair, or  Zayn says something that sounds like it may have come from Harry himself. Every where he goes he is reminded of what he left behind.

However, the worst part is the way he can't let go of his hope. He lays on Zayn's couch at night and dreams that he has fixed things with Harry. Or that he never left at all. It's tearing him apart. Everything would be so much easier if he could stop holding onto the possibility that maybe, someday, the universe will allow him to be with Harry again.

It's so selfish, to hope in such a way. So indulgent, so stupid. He feels like a walking tragedy, something penned by the hands of Shakespeare himself. The broken man who couldn't let himself be happy, cursed to spend the rest of eternity tortured by a type of hope he didn't even know existed. 

(“I get it. The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end.")

*~*~*~*

The worst dreams he has are the dreams where he learns it was all for naught. Where his subconscious tortures him with the idea that he didn't actually have to leave Harry. That they actually could've had a future; a future that Louis ruined with his hesitancy and twisted logic.

The dreams where he sees Harry again, and he's everything Louis wants and more. He's strong and beautiful and for some reason he's arrived to tie up their loose ends.

He always wants to know "Why?" the one question that Louis dreads having to answer. If he can see the holes in his own reasoning than he knows Harry will tear apart the fabric of his so called truths. 

"You deserved better than me." Louis always says to Harry. Because his subconscious know that in the end that is what it came down to: Harry deserved better and Louis didn't think he could do better.

"Maybe so. But I didn't want better, I wanted you." Harry will reply. And then he always leaves. Because he wanted Louis but he doesn't any longer. He's moved on even though Louis never will. He leaves and Louis melts into a puddle and sinks into the Earth and wakes up gasping for breath and reaching for someone that isn't there.

("My curse is that I'd rather be in pain than be wrong.")

*~*~*~*

Louis sucks a trucker's dick and hitches a ride to Chicago in the middle of the night. Maybe if he keeps moving he'll be able I distract himself (its a fat chance but he's willing to try anything at this point).

If LA is like riding a wave to pretentious serenity than Chicago is like riding a live bull to a whore house. It's fast paced and rough and dirty. Louis lives out of the crappy apartments of random lays and fucks people so he can afford to buy food.

He's been living this way since he was fifteen, it should be enough (it's not anymore).  
   
He needs something more; something intense that will make him feel satisfied again. He doesn't even care about being happy anymore, he just wants to be satisfied. He can't have come this far, done this much to achieve something bigger, only to have failed. He can't have left his family and everything familiar behind only to have failed; he can't have left Harry behind only to have failed.

He does a bunch of pointless illusory substances and has a bunch of meaningless sex. He fills the gaps in his soul left by Harry with drugs and dirty men. And at the end of bender after bender, he lies cold and alone and emptier than ever.

 How has he become this? How has he allowed himself to become this? He was supposed to be great; he was supposed to achieve the unachievable, obtain the unobtainable. And now he wakes up in strangers bed with a bigger hole in his heart and less brain cells than he had in the days before.

(“I don't deserve a soul, yet I still have one. I know because it hurts.”)

*~*~*~*

It goes this way for months. The drugs and shortcomings and unfailing pain. It's always there, the pain. No matter what. There are those times, high on multiple substances and being fucked within an inch of his life, that he can convince himself that he has finally managed to numb it. But even then it's still niggling at the back of his skull, waiting to ensnare him in the sad trap of disgrace once more. It may not hurt as much but it still hurts.

It still hurts. Always. That's the only thing he can count on anymore. That no matter what he does, it will always hurt to some extent. It's worse when he remembers the reasons for his pain. When he has smoke in his tongue but can still taste milky skin and wide green eyes. When he has a needle in his arm and a dick in his body but can still feel the sentimental touches of long pale fingers and plush pink lips.

He wonders when he became such a cliche. When his emotions ran wild and he allowed sentimentality to rule his life. He should be over this, he needs to be over this. But he can't forget so long as he is still in pain.

("That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.")

*~*~*~*

He shows up on Zayn's doorstep some months later. He can't quite recall how he gets there, he just knows that he shoots up in somewhere in Seattle and wakes up on Zayn's couch. 

"How did I get here?" Louis asks, disorientated and exhausted. God he just wants to sleep. 

"I don't know. I don't think I wanna know. I just came home to find you on my porch." Zayn says and Louis squeezes his eyes shut. He feels grateful and so, so guilty. Somehow he's managed to disappoint the last person he had left to disappoint.  

Neither one of them says anything for some time. Louis breaks the silence with an announcement, "I want to get better. I do. I don't want to be this way anymore." Zayn nods and furrows his brow thoughtfully. 

"Addicts need stability Louis." Zayn states. Louis knows he's right, knows he's speaking from experience. Louis wants to argue, wants to insist that he's not an addict. But he's not a liar and if he said that He would most definitely be lying. He can feel the addiction thrumming through his veins. He can taste the substances that his body is already craving.

"I can do it. I can do this." Louis promises. He can stay sedentary for couple months; it is for the greater good after all. He respects himself too much to stay like this. Zayn nods and Louis falls back asleep. 

(“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”)

*~*~*~*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbetaed.
> 
> Comments? Concerns? Reviews.


	3. I am on the Mend (At Least Now I Can Say That I am Trying)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis outs himself back together. Harry is there to help. Chapter 3/3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it. Thanks for reading.

When Louis wakes up next it is to the face that haunts his dreams. Which is why he assumes he is still dreaming. It's a vivid dream, brighter and louder than the others. But it's not a  bad dream. Its nice, seeing him so realistically. He figures it's the universe's gift to him for his attempt at recovery. 

Harry is crying a bit;  his distress silent and beautiful. The tears only serve to accentuate the green in his  eyes. His cheeks are rosy and his hair is shiny. He's thin, like maybe he hasn't been eating enough. And he looks tired, so, so tired. Dark bruises under his empty eyes. Empty, that's another thing. He looks so empty. Hollow, like an aesthetically pleasing box with nothing inside it. 

"I love you." Louis says; simply because he has to tell him. He hasn't said it in any of his dreams before and he needs dream Harry to know how much he is loved. Maybe it will make him look less empty.

"Yeah." Harry replies indifferently. He's still empty though. It makes Louis so sad to see him like this. He's just the shell of what he used to be and it _hurts_. Maybe this is a bad dream after all.

("How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you?")

*~*~*~*

Harry is back. Harry is _here_. It takes Louis an embarrassing amount of time to realize that he is not dreaming. 

"How did you get here?" Louis asks because he is so, so confused right now.

"It was--Zayn messaged me on Facebook. Said that you told him about me and that you needed me. He asked me to come and I did." Harry replies. Louis isn't sure whether he should be angry or grateful. It takes him a while to process the information. Zayn asked Harry to come. Zayn aske Harry to come for Louis and he did. Which must mean something, right? It's far too relieving to know that Harry hasn't forgotten about Louis just yet. 

"I'm sorry." Louis isn't quite sure what he's apologizing for. Maybe for inconveniencing Harry, maybe for leaving. He just thinks that maybe, if he apologizes, Harry won't look so sad anymore. 

"It's okay." Harry says with a sad smile. Louis can tell from Harry's tone of voice what he thinks Louis is apologizing for. And it's not okay. He never should have left and now that Harry's here he's willing to own his mistakes. He ran, like a coward, just like Harry said and it's not _okay_.

"It's not. It's really not. Don't go easy on me, I don't deserve it." Harry just smiles sadly, like maybe he might understand. But he doesn't, Louis hasn't told him enough for him to understand. He should have stayed. He should have stayed and he should have talked and he should have given them a chance. That's all Harry asked for, after all. 

But he didn't. He just repeated old mistakes and took the cowards way out. He knows that it's too late to fix things, he could never ask Harry for another chance. But maybe, maybe if he explains himself, maybe if he tells Harry about his mom ad running and being _so_ afraid, maybe Harry will be able to move on. 

("I don't blame you dear. For running like you did. I would do the same.")

*~*~*~*

When Louis left, when he first started running, it wasn't a clean break. It was a messy shatter that left shards of glass lodged in his heart. 

Because he came back. After spending a week in London, he came back. He told himself that he needed his passport and wanted to ease his mom's worries. Maybe, in the end, it was just to hear someone asking him to stay. 

So yeah, he went back. He walked into his house to see his mom sitting at the kitchen table. She looked so worried, the the type of worry that one can only feel for their child. 

She thanked god and hummed hallelujah  and hugged him and it hurt because he knew he would be breaking her heart. And when he told her that he was leaving, possibly to never return again, the look on her face killed something inside of him. He still has nightmares about that expression. It was like her whole world was being ripped away and she was holding him personally responsible.

She begged and pleaded and cried and yelled and screamed. And he could have stayed, part of him wanted to. But in the end he stubbornly hitched his bag onto his shoulder and walked out the door. He knew he had broken something, in both his mom and in himself, something that would never be fixed.

And thats why he always leaves. That why even though he was so in love with Harry he still has to leave. He cant get attached an he definitely cant let anyone else get too attached. Because he couldn't survive having to see that look on someone's face again. 

(“In a sense, I’m the one who ruined me: I did it myself.”)

*~*~*~*

"She was my mom Harry. And I still left. Who does that? And I'm not making excuses, there are no excuses for what I did. You asked for a chance and I should have given it to you. I know that. I'm only hoping that one day you will be able to objectively understand why I am the way I am." Louis finishes. Harry doesn't say anything for sometime. He just sits there, stating at his lengthy fingers. Finally, he nods and swallows loudly. He hasn't said it, but Louis thinks that maybe, just maybe, he's starting to understand. 

("I hope you will forgive the things I still lack.")

*~*~*~*

"Why did you come?" Louis asks. A couple days have passed and Louis is dying to know. He knows it's stupid, the answer he is hoping for. He knows it's going to destroy him when Harry does answer because there is no way he came for the reason that Louis has created in his head. But he still asks; Louis always has been a bit of a masochist. Zayn say he needs to work on that if he wants to stay sober (Zayn has basically been his addiction Yoda. Louis almost wants to ask how Zayn knows so much about being a drug addict. He has his suspicions and half formulated ideas, but he really wants to hear the whole story from Zayn's lips. He doesn't ask though because Zayn has a look in his eyes that says he doesn't want to talk about it).

"I came because you needed me. And no matter how much it hurts, I will always come running when you need me." Harry says. It wasn't exactly the answer Louis had in mind but it still makes his heart soar. And maybe their both fucked up masochists. Maybe that's why their souls fit together so nicely, they both have the same cracks. 

"I'm not going to leave you again. Harry as long as you want me I'll be there. I just didn't think--"

"I do. I always want you. And I always will. It hurts too much without you." Okay, so maybe not so much masochists as self indulgent pseudo-masochists. Still, at least they can be pseudo-masochists together.

"Do you think that you could ever forgive me?" Louis asks. That's important to him, if they're ever going to fix anything than they need to trust each other.

"I already forgave you." Louis can't help but lean across Zayn's ratty couch and kiss him. 

Louis knows that Harry should be making this more difficult for him. He's giving Louis an easy out and he shouldn't. He should make Louis buy him chocolate and flowers and beg for forgiveness and apologize over an over for all the pain he's cause them both. However, Louis is not going to question it. He's going to accept what Harry is offering and meet him halfway. He's not going to run, and that in and of itself is a big commitment for him. 

He's going to stay no matter what and work things and talk about his feelings even when it feels tedious. He's going to try and he's going to try hard. There are no guarantees in life and if a beautiful boy with such a beautiful soul is offering him forgiveness than he's not going to question it. He's going to fight for said beautiful boy and the future that they are capable of building together. 

It's not always going to be exciting. Sometimes it's going to be boring and Louis is going to felt restless. But in the end, it's going to be worth it. 

 Their relationship's not perfect, it's probably never going to be perfect, but neither of them are running and maybe that's enough. Maybe they can make it work and maybe they can be happy. 

Louis is going to learn that it doesn't matter where you end up, whether it's some big city or some dull suburb, what matters is who you end up with. 

("I go to seek a great perhaps.")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know. I had so much trouble writing this chapter. Nothing came ou the way I wanted it to (probably because I'm not used to writing "happy" endings.) 
> 
> I feel like there are a lot of off handed comments and unresolved issues that I want to work on. Maybe a sequel? Or epilogue. Who knows.


End file.
